Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
