i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
