So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize