I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize