I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
