I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize