The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
