Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
