He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
