Ketchup is God's man juice
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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