i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
