carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
