you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
