Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
