I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
