New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
