Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
