so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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