Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
