im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
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