kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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