Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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