Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
