I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize