Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
