They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
