apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
