My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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