Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
