So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
