my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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