New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
