I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
