So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
