Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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