You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize