you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
