He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
