My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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