We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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