he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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