Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
