watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
