Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
