How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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