I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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