Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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