I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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