Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
