walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
