1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is my life. Enjoy the view
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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