Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
