all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
