i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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