I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize