My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
why is half of my head shaved?
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