We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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