How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
