If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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