I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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