i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
