dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
