About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
