i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
