For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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