I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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