fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
