He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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