"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
