no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
