You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
