he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
