The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize