When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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