Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
