sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
